Breast Questions

Hmmm....

Well I haven't been on my blog for a while- it's just been so darn busy and I have a lot of issues rattling around my brain.

I do have to say that I have been speechless a couple of times concerning my breasts which at this time are free game to question about.

Do you ever have those moments where you can see yourself in a situation where you are asked a question and nothing comes out of your mouth?  Well I had this happen 2x with a couple of weeks of each other.

On the day I was going to NYC with my friend to attend a seminar put on by Women at Risk, I ran into an old friend of mine.  I was on the corner near the bus station when I seen him and we said our hello and he asked me how I have been doing.  He then told me that he heard about the cancer and he knew someone else who had had it and so on..(yeah and she died- he could of left that part out).....He then asked me something about still having my breasts.....I still don't know what exactly he said it, but I found myself standing there for what seemed like an hour with my mouth open.  I was surprised....it was sort of funny.  I finally spit out oh yeah 1 I had/have 1.  It was the weirdest thing.  I mean I know I tell people and blog about my one breast, but standing face to face with a guy was weird.  Somehow I don't think if he had a prostrate issue I would ask about any removals....

The second time I was left speechless with my mouth open was in the airport on our trip to Florida.  We had to do a body scan and I was pulled aside.  I noticed a female security guard approach and she was listening to someone in her earpiece and looking at my breast area.  I know/heard they can see you are missing your breast, but I'd rather not think about them looking at me that way on that scanner.  So she pats me up and they come pretty uncomfortably close to your breasts and mine are way different in feel.  She then said to me, "Do you have something in there?" .......again silence.......yea....silence......It was like I forgot what to call it.  I mean I have an implant and I'm wearing a prosthesis.  She finally said, "Do you have a prosthesis?" and finally I was - yes.   She then had me wait while she did something with her gloves in another area.    Rob was waiting shoes back on and all.  He's like "what was that about?"

As open as I am about my breasts I still get taken back and I'm still a bit shy about it.  I'm sure with time it gets easier.  I'm amazed at how some days just go by and putting my padding or prosthesis in is just an everyday event.  Well there are days I forget all together and then I'm a little self conscious of the size difference.

Ya know what's really funny- all the talk about Barbie and the bad self image it gives little girls..........Well next time you have an opportunity to check out Barbie's breast, notice NO nipple.   I guess we could also call our mounds: Barbie Boobs!  I mean who doesn't want to be like Barbie?    
Life is funny~

Another Bathing Suit Designer Just for US!

Well she was high risk- so she did something about it and then she did something about it!!!

Yes she cheated cancer AND she started dressing US!

Patricia Brett - Designer and Founder of

Veronica Brett Luxury Swimwear

Read the Harper's Bazaar Article- Click on the picture below. 

See her on TV

Hard days come and go.....It's O.K.

 Well I had a BAD 2 weeks and I only report these bad times because usually something good happens- I learn to cope and I grow.  I also put it out there incase someone is going through what I go through- SO they don't think they are crazy.....well maybe you are, but hey you are not alone!

I don't know what brings on these days of horror and panic, but I'm begining to think it maybe stuff I read and doing too much without rest.  Or maybe it's because we are moving on with our life.  Rob and I are starting to discuss and take action on things we wanted to do before all this happened and it's very scary to me.  I worry about starting a dream and not being able to finish or even ruin it altogether because of my health.

Thank God for my work which helped keep my mind busy!  I'm also thankful for being able to have started back at Pilates and last week I even made it to 3 classes. 

I was convinced for the last 2 weeks that I had cancer in the lymph nodes in my neck.  I don't know- but I felt like a dull pain in my neck.  I kept feeling my neck and feeling my neck to see if anything was swollen, but nothing.  Even so I was sure I dying of cancer.  This worry just sucks.  It's like treading water in the middle of the ocean and you get so tired, but there's nothing to grab onto to get a break.  Some days I just can't wait to go to bed.  Sometimes during the day I will run into a little problem could be anything like a phone call at work and I get panicked and think "God-I'm dying here and this person wants to know the status on a bill?"  As the worry goes past a week I start to think that maybe I want to die, and then is death possibly better than this nightmare?  It's the weirdest thing- I know it's happening, but I can't stop it.  I guess because I do have pain in my neck or head at times and cancer is the first thing I think of.  I feel like cancer is all through me and my body disgusts me.   I'm not used to having pain like I have now since my treatment.  SO I just think it's cancer.  Cancer can haunt you - I believe it.  There is something very evil there- maybe it's the devil- I don't know.  Thank God I have faith because for sure the cancer would win.  I finally get so tired I give up and I beg God to help me.

And later in the week last week I was browsing blogs - old ones I hadn't looked at in a while and I stumbled apon this:   

Yes it's St. Theresa.....I don't know how many blogs can possibly have St. Theresa- and this is a blog about flowers.  She is such an inspiration to me and it only makes sense that when I need inspiring the most she can be found.

By Thursday I was starting to feel better.....I have a huge cold soar because of the worry....BUT I'm so glad to be back to myself.  I know I said I felt like I was treading water in the ocean- but what I didn't realize is that the water wasn't that deep I just had to have faith and try to touch bottom and just walk out.

Now maybe when I starting thinking a little crazy I'll say to myself:

"Don't go in the water girl"!

  

October is ending..........

I have a love/hate with October- it was when I was diagnosised which is good, but all the breast talk sometimes hurts.  Some days I just wanna run away and in October it's EVERYWHERE.
All in all it's a good thing- because women have got to be made aware!
I really hope every girl out there gets the info to get them self fitted for their insert.  Even if you are reconstructed you may need an insert.

One of the best days of my life was getting my insert.  I was just stuffing my bra with my "fluff".  When I put that bra on for the first time with my insert in it and could see that it looked like I had breast, I wanted to cry.  I was SO happy I could almost imagine that I was whole again.  Believe me I know it sounds weird saying "whole again", I mean physically whole.  It's not SO important, but I will always be a girl and my breasts will always be special to me.

On that 1st visit I had to Klemmnt Orthopaedic (607-770-4400),  Shiela had given me my 1st amoena pin- it was designed by a fellow survivor.  Every year they make a pin created by a survivor.  I stopped in to say HI to Shiela last week.  She came up front with a huge smile and we hugged and she grabbed my arm and she said, "It's Breast Cancer Awareness and I have something for you".  Well I got my 2nd pin.  It was so nice to see her and it got me to thinking that I'm probably coming up on getting a couple new bras.  I have very good insurance and they allow me so many bras a year and an insert about every 2 years.  You really need to get to an expert because they can help you with all that and even check on what your insurance company offers.  SO what I'm getting at is that if you do your fittings in October there is a good chance you will get your pin too.
I love Shiela for all the help - I had no idea of such a service.  She really did help me get whole again.

On another note I found a great organization-
Check out this mission statement:
Our vision is to change the way we as a society view health and wellness. We strive to promote healing by empowering survivors to become “THRIVERS”.  We lead by example and teach the world that adopting a healthy lifestyle  benefits those effected by cancer and  prevents the disease process that leads to the formation of breast cancer. We provide nutritional counseling, weight management, exercise training, meditation, guided imagery, Reiki, massage, reflexology, acupuncture and other holistic therapies  that are  essential to overall wellness.
  love it!- go to the website HERE

Oh and it's getting cold out foobers and hats hats hats...........LOVE HATS!  I don't know what I would have done during chemo without hats!!!!!!

I like the movie Salt and I really think if I was wearing wigs again I may have to try some of Angelina Jolie's hat looks from the movie:

I LOVE this one

How about this?

Then there is this one where NO hair needed

She's just too darn pretty

I thought some of these hats were nice

Northface

35.00

Zappos

 Neff

20.00

Zappos

Goorin Brothers

35.00

Zappos

  

FIVE

Tonight Oct. 10th at 9 on Lifetime

Well a couple of dates came and went

Sept 24th- the day the doc found my tumor
Sept 29th- my 1st mamo and when the word cancer was used to describe what it showed
These 2 happened in 09

Sept 28th -2010- my Survival Inspiration passed on to heaven- Sweet Betty

And on Oct 6th this 2011 it will be my 2 year mark!  Yeah

I'm still scared at times, but it's gotten better.  One thing that still scares me is doing any walks that are for just breast cancer....they still scare me.  I wish I wasn't like that, but I am.  I was wondering what would Betty tell me and then the other day I get an email from Betty's daughter!  I told her what I thought Betty would say and she said I pretty much nailed it.  Betty would probably say, "You need to go on with your life, and if you don't want to do it don't."  Then she would probably add in "Maybe next year you'll want to go and you can go with your husband, son or a friend".  What good advice.  I really do want to do my part to raise money to help really cure this horrible cancer.  After realizing that there are women out there being tested for the gene (that can carry breast/ovarian cancer) and knowing they have daughters- IT HIT me!  Daughters, Baby Girls they need us.  I don't have a daughter, but I do have a niece and many friends with beautiful daughters and cousins and so on.  I'm going to try and put together a team for the Susan G Koman 2012.  I really was unsure, but how can I not help.  It's the woman who went before me who took the experimental drugs, walked the walks, shared their stories, that today save my life- I need to give back.  I really don't want any girl to go through what I went through.    

I am SO going to celebrate my October 6th because I earned every minute of those 2 years.  The pain that we sometimes carry everyday is horrible.  We fight this disease all time in our heads - it doesn't matter where we are who we are with it can creep in at any time.  My life has forever been changed by this disgusting disease.

October a month I loved for Halloween is very different for me now.  I had my mastectomy a couple days before Halloween- I took dressing up to a whole new level. lol.   October in general was just a hard month that 2009.  I find out AND it's Breast Cancer Awareness- way to shove it right down my throat.

The best way we thrive from it is the support of other women who battled ahead of us, for they truly know the suffering that goes on.  And the newly diagnosed knows exactly what the survivor went through; we cling to each other like sisters and move on.

God Bless my SUPER SPECIAL GIRLS:

Carol

Missy

Vicki

Barbara

Betty

   Liz   

Each one carried a piece of the puzzle that is making my Survival! 

October is coming

the scar project

As fall slowly approaches I start to feel some emotions from my past.  Sometimes I almost feel that horrible feeling I had when I first found out.  It must be some sort of post traumatic stuff.  I was just thinking the other day I almost forget what it all felt like in the beginning.  Well.....it's only very quick moments I get the feeling.  I had a few mornings that were very hard.......cool fall mornings were hard in 09.  Getting out of bed is hard at times......I dread thinking about cancer. 

This other morning I was in the grocery store and I ran into another survivor.  I thought to myself "Gee here she is just living her life"  "Here I am just living............it's almost unreal."  Some days I bitch and moan and carry on with my usual stuff..........you would think I would be the happiest person on the planet, but how quick we forget.  Then it hit me~ I had a disease that was slowly killing my body!  Cancer was going to be my death; a death I for sure NEVER wanted.  Heart attack during my sleep- awesome, but to know I had cancer and was going to die- NEVER.  When I would think about death the only good I could get from a cancer death is that they had time to prepare others, but I pictured that death like trying to scratch your way out of coffin as they slowly covered it with dirt.  I scared my self thinking that cancer may end up being my way.  And then I wasn't scared.....as much as I want to go back to my life BEFORE, where I was clueless and happy..........I'm not so scared............I'm not so scared.  I've grown a bit.  I love God so much and I love everyone who pulled the cancer off me.  I wanna live my life as a good happy person in honor of all the people who SAVED my LIFE. 

CANCER KILLS plain and simple.  

BUT-YES my priests, nuns, parents, husband, son, and all the rest of my big family, my sweet breast cancer sisters, friends, that little church in Port Crane, my doctor, my surgeon, my oncologist, my radiologist, my nurses they SAVED MY LIFE!  Wow...the love they've shared can still be felt today and sure pushes away a lot of the bad feelings.           

Something to read over while having your morning tea

Exercise and Camaraderie Fight Aftereffects of Cancer

By Greg Freiherr | September 10, 2010

---

Patients are beating cancer only to fall prey to sexual dysfunction, body pain, and chronic disease. The physical symptoms of their success increase the emotional burden, leading to anxiety, depression, and even suicide, as they are reminded daily of the chance that the cancer they had might return or a new one might occur.

But there may be an easy way to relieve this burden and improve patient health. In the July/August issue of Current Sports Medicine Reports, University of Alberta research fellow Amy Speed-Andrews, Ph.D., has found that yoga can dramatically improve patients’ sense of well-being.

For two years, Speed-Andrews has surveyed breast cancer patients and survivors at the beginning and end of 10-week sessions of Iyengar yoga, which uses blocks, blankets, and balls to help participants realize the asanas, or poses. All the women were being treated for or had completed cancer treatment. At the end of the session, 94% said their quality of life had improved, 88% felt better physically, 87% reported being happier, and 80% felt less tired. Other improvements were reported in body image and in decreased levels of stress, anxiety, and depression. This is particularly significant, Speed-Andrews said, considering breast cancer treatments often leave women immobilized, in pain, tired, and depressed.

Iyengar yoga made the exercises easier to do, helping patients attain a wide range of movement. But the biggest boost may have come from being surrounded by classmates with similar experiences.

“A lot of them reported they like having classes purely for cancer survivors, especially breast cancer survivors,” Speed-Andrews said.

This camaraderie and improved physical fitness may be especially important for the more than two million breast cancer survivors who make up about a quarter of all cancer survivors in the U.S. Their complex treatments often extend for prolonged times. Adverse effects and symptoms of the disease, including infertility, menopausal symptoms, and fatigue, may linger for years. Other effects may include second cancers, lymphedema, and osteoporosis.

Up to 30% of breast cancer survivors experience persistent anxiety or depression after completing treatment, according to Cheryl Rock, Ph.D., a professor of family and preventive medicine at the University of California, San Diego, who is leading the multicenter research.

“We believe weight loss and increased physical activity in overweight breast cancer survivors will have a positive effect on psychosocial problems and coexisting medical conditions,” she said. “They may even reduce the risk of breast cancer recurrence.”

Rock will lead a five-center clinical trial to examine the effects of weight loss and increased physical activity on quality of life for breast cancer survivors. Documenting improvements in psychosocial and medical comorbidities during the trial could itself change the norms of clinical practice, Rock said, setting up a new aspect of care for breast cancer survivors after initial treatment.

Another Website/Shop with Pockets!

They do ship international and they do take Paypal as well......

DiMurini

I love this babydoll with pockets!

This bra is sweet............

And they have cute matching knickers.....see I'm getting the brit words down!

Victoria's Secret needs to know...some of us have 1 breast and maybe none at all!

 It's Super hard to find nice mastectomy bras that are remotely sexy and make me not miss Victoria's Secret!

At last a couple of things that make me forget about VS.

 A carrying case for my insert how nice.... I don't have to tuck it in my shoes when I pack it!  

 Check out this bathing suit- so up to date!

http://www.nicolajane.com/

http://www.nulifemedical.com/store/pc/Amoena-Bras-Lara-Lace-2795-Mastectomy-Bra-385p2932.htm

http://www.ladyjaneboutique.com/mastectomybras.php?cat=2

http://www.lindasonline.com/anita-care-0023-prosthesis-care-case.html

http://www.kamastectomybras.com/

and the Brits they really have a variety

And my favorite right now is from the UK-

http://www.chantillyrose.co.uk/post-surgery/Loungewear-and-Nightwear/21

I don't know why in the USA I haven't found as many nice sites and by nice I mean sites I actually like to look at where I don't feel less than others.  I know in fact that in losing my breast I am more than some;  I've grown and yes I know better what matters.  BUT I still like nice things, and I like nice websites that make me want to look as good as the model.  It's just the way I and I think most girls like to shop.  

In the days of my first finding out about my cancer it was heart breaking when the Victoria's Secret catalog came.   This was a catalog that got me many of dresses for special occasions, bras during their big bra sale and the swim suits motivated me to start getting ready for summer, but I couldn't even look at the magazine.  Knowing I was going to lose my breast was heart breaking and Victoria's Secret was adding to it, so for a long time it went straight to the garbage.  I am O.K. with now, but it took a while.  I often wonder how they don't sell mastectomy bras being the bra experts they are.  I guess there is no real money in it AND isn't that sad~ our budget for bras has changed just because of CANCER~ what bullshit!  I'll be damned if I'm gonna let cancer take my bra shopping away even if I have to get the good from the UK ;) 

and p.s. mastectomy bras are NOT cheap!

       

  http://www.eloise.co.uk/mastectomy-bras/t-shirt-bras

Here's some of their stuff: 

Some of their models are also survivors and they just look so happy

They give hope

We know they've been through the hell, but look they still can dress with their own style and SMILE!

Mastectomy Dressing

Well I'm always googling:  SEXY MASTECTOMY ___________ -could be bras, shirts, dresses and so on.  All we are looking for is SEXY options- I mean why is it so hard to just put a pocket in it.  Well I have found some pretty great sites and one of them being

Pinxwear- started by a survivor it has some very important items for us survivors.

I have going through a good amount of hot flashes lately and at times I just want to rip my clothes off.  At night it is really hard as you are sometimes dripping.  Well over at Pinx she has light weight natural fabrics - yeah!  The above cami has pockets and is very comfy.  The nightgown below is super light and 100% cotton. 

And a shirt with a pocket- MEANING I don't have to wear my bra all the time!

I never had a problem with wearing a bra, but now that I have a weight issue and my arm with no lymph nodes a bra can be irritating.  I swell up under my arm area towards my back.  This is where surgery took a toll on my body.  I had two operations there; that had me with drains 2x- YUK.  It swells back there and swelling is something I avoid at all cost as to not have a problem with lymphedema.  :)

SO THIS SHIRT

AWESOME!     

 OK-another thing that saves me a lot- my good old FLUFF.  The little fabric boob insert they gave me right after my surgery.  So soft and comfy....for times when I just don't want the Hard Insert.  I also love the soft one during workouts- although most times I don't wear anything.

At Pinx they have this little foam guy which might me nice to have- you can probably buy a stick-on nipple and maybe even have matching nipple action under your shirt.  :) 

 At Pinx she even has a couple of other cute things - like there travel bags:

 And they even carry a care package for a friend that might just be starting her journey

There is also a BLOG

Cheers Ladies!

Look Good Feel Better Webinar

http://onlinevideoservice.com/clients/pcc/06-29-11/stream.aspx

Very nice

No words needed

Best Sports Bra EVER!

So since my cancer I am trying very hard....well pretty hard to loose weight and so far after a year I lost 10 lbs. only to gain some back, but anyways I am working out more than I have in the past (in a gym that is).  And I actually started out buying just all black sweat and yoga pants, but now I've been stepping up my workout wardrobe just so I don't feel as bad as I look working out!!!

One item I found that I really LOVE is my new bra from Lululemon; it is so comfy and the straps can also crisscross if you need.  YEAH!  I usually can't afford very expensive workout gear so I often shop at TJMaxx for my stuff and I even find organic clothing there.  At one of my doctor appointments in NYC I did stop in Lululemon and this bra was on sale for something like $34 so I tried it on and it was LOVELY.  I wish I had more!

  

Being comfortable and liking what I'm wearing have become even more important to me now.  I never had felt so old in my life.  My body has changed and it's so hard to deal with having pain almost everyday.  It's not real bad pain, but more like aches and pains.  I hate it and really want to try and get rid of some it.......how is the question.  I sometimes try and workout really hard and then I feel horrible after, but if I don't work out I also don't feel well.  It used to be you would work out, get a little bit of pain the next day and then you feel good.  Not so much at this point.  Oh well.....I'll keep trying.